I woke up this morning at 0630. Didn't know what to do. So i used my laptop and decided to check on Eleen's blog. She wrote a short post on how she felt about not being at NUS. That made me think and realised that i was feeling the same way too.
No one should ask me whether the overseas experience is worth it or not. Because I Don't Know.
I have had great friends over the years but we never seem to stay together and i guess sometimes my boyfriend took precedence.
Sometimes i look through my friends' friendster and facebook accounts and i feel a little sad after that. Left-out and even lonely.
If it was just for friend's company - i regret not going to a local uni. I regret being away from my friends and sometimes i'm afraid that when i return, i might not have any friends left. I don't have a best friend, i don't have a friend that i call whenever i need help. All i have is Fish now, he is my best friend, my lover and my baby. He knows everything there is to know about me and i go to him whenever i need someone. As Eleen says, the dorm life with friends and the experiences we thought we would have when we're in uni.
But sometimes, it's not enough.
I love the overseas experience, it has taught me a lot about life and living without parents (other than the financial part). But sometimes i regret not staying at a local uni whether NUS or SIM. I see everyone being in company of friends and the happy faces. Then i see myself - I don't have that. Sometimes i get sad, sometimes i don't care, sometimes i don't know what to think.
In this year, maybe the time i left most left out was on the my birthday. All my peers have birthday parties for their 21st birthday, they go out with friends and family and have fun. My birthday celebration was kinda sad. Fish gave me a great present though, we had dinner. The day before my birthday, Fish was in Singapore for his grandma's funeral and he arrived on my birthday morning. Yu Ting, Shan Shan, Shi Wei and Hui Fen sent me a present - i was happy.
So i've decided to put in a little more effort - hopefully my schedule when i return allows. I want to meet up with more friends - friends that i haven seen in a while and didn't contact much - like eddie neo etc.. definitely eleen..haha
So Eleen, maybe it's time for us to really put it behind us and accept that this is never going to change - it will always be a part of our life that we missed out on and something that when pops up in conversations, we would be unable to partake and share in. Still, you would have great times and experiences and friends from SIM and i would have experienced what i have always wanted since young and what this country and its people have taught me.
"You're never fully dressed without a SMILE!" - Annie