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Saturday, January 17, 2009

Little Kid

Yesterday was a really happy day for me. I went out for dinner with Eleen, Shan Fu, Eng Tian, Jasper, Vincent and Pei Qi. It’s been so long so so long. They guys were so funny, i laughed till i got stitches. HaHa…

Yesterday was also the first time in 21 years that i stayed out late. I reached home around 11+. How liberating it felt. The bus was still packed with people, to me, time did not seem to make a difference.

Sometimes, i feel my parents still treat me like a kid. Maybe because we have 2 other little ones so somehow we all get lumped together.

I will be 22 this year and yet i socialize so little. I have been to BBQs but they will also pick me up at night. I have been to chalets but never stayed over – only once – last year. I have a curfew at 10pm. I understand that girls should stay home and all those crap but whilst on one hand my mum wants me to socialize and network and know more friends, she restricts it.

Think about it. Your friend calls you up for dinner – to meet at 7pm. The whole tiring process starts. You have to call your mum with trepidation, not knowing if her mood is good so that she will allow you to go out or not. Then if she allows, you think of the curfew next, meet at 7pm, you have to leave by 9pm to get home in time at 10pm. (What a damper) Doesn’t make much sense to go out does it? When it takes an hour to prepare to go out for something that lasts less than 2 hours.

I’m not a kid. Bad things might have happened to be in the past but that’s all over. I know how to take care of myself. I am not an idiot. Neither am i 15.

That’s why i like Australia so much sometimes. I get to go out whenever i want. I get to stay home and stew all day if i wanted. I go out and have dinner and enjoy myself without worrying that i have to get home before a certain time. (For your info: I never got home after 12 in Oz)  The only bad thing is that i don’t have much friends to go out with. What an ironic situation.

I really don’t know what they’re worried about. A girl’s reputation? Why let others bother you. As long as i know i’m not doing anything wrong there’s nothing to be ashamed of. I don’t smoke. I don’t drink. I obviously don’t do drugs. I don’t mix with the wrong crowd – even if i did, i had enough sense not to be dragged into it. (I had a bad girl who smokes, tattos and all in sec 2, she was my best friend somemore – have i turned into her?!) I don’t go clubbing, i don’t go pubs, clubs, whatever. I don’t like the clubbing scene. Even if i were to go somewhere like that – i still don’t know what it’s called (pub/club) – it will those quiet ones with a pianist playing melodies on the piano.

I need to leave. It’s stifling. But yet i am so dependent on them – not like Eleen – she’s so independent – i don’t know if i can do it.

I can’t wait for valentine’s day to come – so that i can have a temporary retreat from this insanity.

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